you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
