I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize