are you so shy because you have an std?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
