maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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