Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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