She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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