Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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