so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
