Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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