Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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