What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize