so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
