would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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