im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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