Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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