Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
