I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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