just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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