i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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