So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
