I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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