Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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