so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
