ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
