Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
