DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
