So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
