Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That's intense
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
