Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
