I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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