Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize