I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
