I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
