he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
