blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
