She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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