I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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