does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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