last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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