He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
