I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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