I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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