i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
