the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
