I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
