I must be too annoying 4 u.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
