taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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