Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize