Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
FUCK WHALES
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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