There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
