1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if you like me you must not know who I am
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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