You're so nebulous sometimes
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
