i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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