I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
