90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
