My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
