We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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