i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
