3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
