how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
