watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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