wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
